Am I really ready for this?

As the semester is racing to a close and graduation is creeping closer and closer I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I have to stop and ask myself, "Am I really ready to graduate?" Sure, Westminster has given me opportunities I never would have had before, but I'm still not sure I'm ready to leave and go out into the real world. I feel like everyone around me has such definite plans for their future and I'm just struggling in the wind. There's Chris Norris who had an amazing internship last summer with the Cleveland Indians and has another one lined up for this summer with the Mahoning Valley Scrappers. Clarissa Hunter and TJ Renninger both work for WYTV/WKBN now. And then there's me; no internship and no potential job. I don't even know what I want to do!

Over spring break I did decide that I would stay at home this summer and use that time to do my job searching because there's no way I would be able to do that now. I am involved in too many things on campus plus trying to get everything done for the semester I would drive myself crazy. But maybe that's just my problem. I'm involved in too many things. The more I think about it if I could go back and do this year over I think I would do a lot of things differently.

First of all, I would have had a more definite idea of my capstone project before the year even began. This is the thing that's causing me the most stress because I don't have a lot of things done and the end is coming quickly. I've had such a hard time trying to get in contact with my client that all of this phone-tag nonsense I'm doing now would have been much easier to deal with in September (instead of the end of March with my capstone presentation about a month away).

Secondly, I don't think I would cut down on the number of things I'm involved in on campus because I love them all, but I would definitely have managed my time better. I've realized that I'm the kind of person that gets wrapped up in the moment and forgets about the other things that need to get done that day. It's only recently that I've become so rigid with my schedule because I know that's the only way I'll get things done.

Finally, I would have made better decisions in what classes I'm taking this semester. There is one class in particular that I really regret taking. I feel like the only thing that class has done for me this semester is add to the stress of my schedule. I haven't really learned anything I didn't know before and I really feel like it's a waste of my time to sit through it when I have so many other things to be doing. Who knows, maybe five years from now I'll realize how much I did learn in that class but right now I'm hating every minute of it.

So I have 48 days until I graduate. I've contacted one guy about a job. He said because they are a new company they weren't sure when they were going to expand, but he'd definitely keep me in mind. That's what I'm working with. Maybe in the next 48 days something miraculous will happen and I'll have a solid job lined up...but I'm not counting on it.